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Day Thirteen
April 13, 2006 
The governor for my motor is away, and I'm going crazy.
Whenever anyone asks me to do anything, I usually say yes. That's just the way I am. And yes, sometimes it's out of obligation, but most of the time, I just want to do everything. Things sound fun, or challenging, or needed, and I'm there, at the front of the line.
Until I'm melting into a sticky puddle on the floor. I literally have no sense of how many things can be accomplished in the number of hours that we are given in a day. I've had pretty big meltdowns over the years, which have come from taking on too many things, especially as I've entered the murky and busy waters of motherhood. Which is why, when my superstar husband hears me say "yes," he usually says mildly, from across the room or the table or next to me or in the car listening to me on the phone, "RAE." And I look at him the way Kid A does when he knows he's in trouble and say, "What?" And he says something like, "You can't do that, you just had a baby last week." And I'll think to myself-- Yes, yes I did. It's helped me a lot. Sometimes we'll be discussing things that need to be done at the Land, or in the office, and he'll say, "Who can do this?NotyouRae," pretty much in the same breath. I've come to rely on it. And he helps me for my sake, but also for himself, because guess who gets to clean up that sticky puddle on the floor? Yes. Chinua does.
But, now, my governor is in Turkey, and I'm happily signing myself up for things. I think I'm doing better this time, though. I've learned a little. And on the other side of things, when I'm feeling timid about doing something great, Chinua is usually encouraging me to jump in. But I did drive down to San Francisco and back yesterday, because I had work to do and didn't want to be away from the kids for too long. (Eight hours total) And I am flying to LA for two days next week (for some incredibly fun painting stuff that I'm really excited about) and I just found out that Chinua and I have an Art booth at the Harmony Festival, which is taking place in June (I guess I'd better start painting). We'll be selling paintings, prints, and photography. Whew. All of this is stuff that I've signed up for in the first ten days of my superstar husband's absence. What else will the family commit to while he's gone? Stay tuned.
I guess this is all just a really long way of saying that I love my life right now. I am challenged, I am feeling like myself again after a long pregnancy/birth/surgery funk. I am looking forward to Spring despite the steady rain. And my own "Extreme Makeover Home Edition" is taking place as we speak.
I also found out through Karen's site that my son is apparently right on track. According to a seminar she attended, boys at 3-4 years peak in testosterone, making them "more muscular, active, restless, argumentative, act first, disorganized, prone to separation anxiety, need to have a clear set of rules." So that's what's been going on around here. All I can say is--who took my son and put someone else in his body? My sweet, mellow toddler has turned into a crazy preschooler who cannot for the life of him seem to understand the language that I speak. I talk to him about something simple like, say, why we don't sit on the baby, and after a few minutes he looks at me and says, "Huh?" God give me patience. Please.
(To illustrate the above two points: 1. I just wrote most of this post with my left hand while nursing the baby. 2. Kid A just used my new canvas as a slide. I almost had a fit of apoplexy but it's not damaged.)
Reader Comments (2)
That SO describes Peregrine! and I just thought we were rotten parents or something! I think I may never understand the male species, but I sure do love my boy!
And yours looks awfully sweet too!
(Typed with an aerobic nursing baby on the breast)
Rebeca
I, too, sign myself up for too many activities. It's just so hard to say no, but I'm learning. I don't want to miss out, certainly, but I think some of it is that I want everybody to like me, and if I say yes and am helpful then maybe...But, of course, my husband has had to pick me up after a few meltdowns as well, and since the last one I've been much better about saying no.