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Friday
Nov022007
Two
November 2, 2007
It's true that I finally melted down yesterday, standing in the midst of the debris of my life, melted into a tear puddle on the floor.
It's true that when my friend called, I answered my phone with the words, "You are so glad that you are not me right now." It's true that she replied, "Really? Because I'm pretty sure I would be glad to be anyone else in the world than me at this moment." And then we laughed. It's like when I was a kid and my brother and sister and I would argue over who was feeling "worser."
It's true that I waved goodbye to the Land yesterday, and that I did so in such a flurry of limbs and papers and financial issues that I almost forgot to blow a kiss.
But it's also true that my Superstar Husband is the most brilliant star in my sky. It's true that he sang love songs to me before I left, that he told me about twenty-six times to drive carefully, and that he took care of the rest of the debris, finishing up the packing that I couldn't even face anymore. He lovingly uncrossed my eyes and sent me on my way.
And it's true that on my way, I found strain slipping off of my freckled back, that when I reached the coast I saw the waves throwing themselves down in glee and thought, "The whole world is my home." It's true that the cliffs were etched against the misty pre-sunset sky like strong-armed guards, and I realized that even transition can be a type of home. That maybe I can let my bones settle into this change. That there is rest for me, there are homes everywhere, and that so many things that have piled on over these last years are now lifted. And everywhere I look there are houses with small people in them, sitting in their seats, walking to their fridges and back, playing card games at the coffee table. We are all looking for the same things.
It's true that we left too late yesterday. That I was not at all prepared, that I fed my kids convenience store white bread sandwiches.
It's true that Kid A has reached the age of constant attempts at reasoning, that he can't let go, now, and let things flow. That he feels the need to check on our progress, say, every two minutes. That he whines a lot about how long it's taking to get there. It's true that this means he is becoming more of a person, and that instead of smacking my head against the steering wheel, I should admire his time-telling skillz, when he plaintively yells from the backseat, "MAMA! IT'S 7:14! Mamaaaaa, it's 7:16!" And ad infinitum until I die.
It's also true that we sang our way through the darkness last night, that we belted out the ABC song, that we transitioned seamlessly into Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and then that I could hear Leafy singing "Winkle Pinkle DAR. Winkle Pinkle DAR," until I thought my heart would break from the happiness and love and rightness.
These things are all true for me. I want to hear what is true for you right now. Do tell.
It's true that when my friend called, I answered my phone with the words, "You are so glad that you are not me right now." It's true that she replied, "Really? Because I'm pretty sure I would be glad to be anyone else in the world than me at this moment." And then we laughed. It's like when I was a kid and my brother and sister and I would argue over who was feeling "worser."
It's true that I waved goodbye to the Land yesterday, and that I did so in such a flurry of limbs and papers and financial issues that I almost forgot to blow a kiss.
But it's also true that my Superstar Husband is the most brilliant star in my sky. It's true that he sang love songs to me before I left, that he told me about twenty-six times to drive carefully, and that he took care of the rest of the debris, finishing up the packing that I couldn't even face anymore. He lovingly uncrossed my eyes and sent me on my way.
And it's true that on my way, I found strain slipping off of my freckled back, that when I reached the coast I saw the waves throwing themselves down in glee and thought, "The whole world is my home." It's true that the cliffs were etched against the misty pre-sunset sky like strong-armed guards, and I realized that even transition can be a type of home. That maybe I can let my bones settle into this change. That there is rest for me, there are homes everywhere, and that so many things that have piled on over these last years are now lifted. And everywhere I look there are houses with small people in them, sitting in their seats, walking to their fridges and back, playing card games at the coffee table. We are all looking for the same things.
It's true that we left too late yesterday. That I was not at all prepared, that I fed my kids convenience store white bread sandwiches.
It's true that Kid A has reached the age of constant attempts at reasoning, that he can't let go, now, and let things flow. That he feels the need to check on our progress, say, every two minutes. That he whines a lot about how long it's taking to get there. It's true that this means he is becoming more of a person, and that instead of smacking my head against the steering wheel, I should admire his time-telling skillz, when he plaintively yells from the backseat, "MAMA! IT'S 7:14! Mamaaaaa, it's 7:16!" And ad infinitum until I die.
It's also true that we sang our way through the darkness last night, that we belted out the ABC song, that we transitioned seamlessly into Twinkle Twinkle Little Star, and then that I could hear Leafy singing "Winkle Pinkle DAR. Winkle Pinkle DAR," until I thought my heart would break from the happiness and love and rightness.
These things are all true for me. I want to hear what is true for you right now. Do tell.
in Traveling
Traveling 
Reader Comments (10)
It is true that I wish you were here with your husband so that I could welcome you to your new home the right way but it is also true that I am glad you are making this trip. It is true that my kids were driving me crazy today and I wondered if I am doing anything right. But it is also true that little bird is now saying mama which is a true gift. Have a safe journey. Can't wait to see you.
don't you feel like a bird, let off of it's lead line, thrown into the sky and winging towards adventure? thats how i felt when we left.
What's true for me: realizing and dealing with the frustration of being a mama. Wading through all the emotional muck it brings up, the emotional muck it makes me, sometimes. But oh, how I love my kid.
Also what's true: I am really loving your blog! A couple of weekends ago I browsed through your archives and got to know you a bit more...and I really, really like you! :) What a treat it will be to read something everyday in November from you...and I'm sending you good, loving thoughts as you make this big transition in your life.
What is true for me is in the words of Elizabeth Barret Browning "Love is all there is." Happy Adventure!
Its true that theres a hole in my heart.
It is shaped like you and your kids.
Looking forward to filling it with your visit.
I'm happy for you'lls chance at adventure and that you are going to see your grandmother. Safe journeys!
I know my God loves me...and I Him. I have family who loves me...and I them. I know there are things I must do...not much of it I really want to do. I KNOW mine is a life that deserves to be well-lived whether it's used to bless others or not. This much I know. Pretty much everything else is a big ol' question mark today. Tomorrow hopefully comes new mercy and new resolve and new peace that it all matters and it all serves a purpose somehow.
Jessie, I wish I was there, too. This is very odd. Today I go to get my passport pictures, though!
Sara, I do. I know you know.
Sam, a lot of your journey sounds so much like my journey when I had my first baby. It's good when the muck is brought up, because then we can be washed... you are very encouraging, I like you, too.
Mary, ohhhh, beautiful. And true.
Lara, there is a sister in law shaped hole in my heart.. What a coincidence.
Lulu, thanks so much.
it is true that i don't know exactly what i'm doing right now... facing the questions of why am i here (better yet, what am i here for)... it is true that i carry so much love in my heart for my patient, hard working, restless man... it is true that we went for a walk last night in the woods right between the highlands and lowlands of scotland and i felt lost in the wonder and beauty and mystery of the misty, dark woods as the waterful sang... it is true there is joy and peace to be had, even now in the ache of the uncertainty of my future...
it is true for me that my family can find home in transition,
i think we've moved at least once a year for the past six years, Salt spring, the krishna farm in bc, victoria,nelson, vancouver/kitsilano, ottawa of all places now.... and my kids are like: okay mom lets go back to the farm, citties are too crazy,
Ahhh but i long to explore myself and the world more and more, It is like an itch i need to scratch, to just be apart of society, (even if it's the minority/ counter culture part of society)
It is true that I have not even left canada after high school, but i still feel like a traveling yogi, searching for more times and space to serve society, to connect with the positive changes taking place,
it is true i long to sit with you and sip chai in india, okay with the kids and husbands too.
(it is true that i wish chinua would teach my honey to sing love songs to his loved one.)
it is true that i never want to stop striving for inner peace, faith, love and devotion.
You are a goddess Rae! I am truthfully thankful to you for having this sacred thread for us to all be apart of, your life and storries are inspiring, and i hope you never stop writing.
It is true that only loving devotional service to God will be the driving force for my journey....