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Tuesday
Aug212007
Alone time
August 21, 2007
I have these moments with parenting that I feel are absolute triumphs, when I've figured something out with one of my kids, or when I know that I've made someone's day, they are glowing with it. And then I have moments when I feel like I'm living in parenting outtakes.
I've mentioned before that YaYa is in an interesting stage. Three seems to be an emotional age for her, and I'm trying to figure out which buttons make her work and which ones cause a crash. The other day she was on the verge of a meltdown, (or, in the process, really, she was melting down) and it was happening while I was trying to get the other kids some dinner. We eat together, as a community, for lunch and dinner a few days a week, and she was having a really hard time while I was gathering plates together for the three of them. It kind of sounds like someone is drilling into your skull when YaYa is having a meltdown, which adds a little extra pressure when I would like to spare other people from the strain of having their skulls drilled.
I took YaYa aside for a minute.
"What's going on?" I asked. "If you can't eat nicely, you should eat by yourself in the laundry room." (The laundry room has a desk in it that I use to have a kid eat at if they seem to be unable to focus with everyone else.)
"I want to eat in the laundry roommmmmmmmm," shewailed shrieked.
"You need some time to be alone?" I asked.
"Yessssssss."
So I set her up, left the door open so she wouldn't feel totally alone, and rubbed her back before I left.
"Sometimes it's nice to be alone," I said.
A few minutes later Renee came into the room and found her there eating. "I'm having alone time," she chirped happily. And she ate every bit of her lunch, a phenomenon not to be understated. Problem solved.
And why not? There is nothing that I like better than alone time when I am having a hard day. The bliss of solitude is rare in my communal, family-oriented, busy-as-a-bee lifestyle. It is sweet, precious nectar to me. It appears that my little daughter feels the same way.Â
I love it when I can figure out a little piece of the puzzle.Â
***
On the road, we are on the second leg of our trip to Canada today, happy to be going, happy to have spent time with wonderful friends here in Eugene on our way up.Â
I've mentioned before that YaYa is in an interesting stage. Three seems to be an emotional age for her, and I'm trying to figure out which buttons make her work and which ones cause a crash. The other day she was on the verge of a meltdown, (or, in the process, really, she was melting down) and it was happening while I was trying to get the other kids some dinner. We eat together, as a community, for lunch and dinner a few days a week, and she was having a really hard time while I was gathering plates together for the three of them. It kind of sounds like someone is drilling into your skull when YaYa is having a meltdown, which adds a little extra pressure when I would like to spare other people from the strain of having their skulls drilled.
I took YaYa aside for a minute.
"What's going on?" I asked. "If you can't eat nicely, you should eat by yourself in the laundry room." (The laundry room has a desk in it that I use to have a kid eat at if they seem to be unable to focus with everyone else.)
"I want to eat in the laundry roommmmmmmmm," she
"You need some time to be alone?" I asked.
"Yessssssss."
So I set her up, left the door open so she wouldn't feel totally alone, and rubbed her back before I left.
"Sometimes it's nice to be alone," I said.
A few minutes later Renee came into the room and found her there eating. "I'm having alone time," she chirped happily. And she ate every bit of her lunch, a phenomenon not to be understated. Problem solved.
And why not? There is nothing that I like better than alone time when I am having a hard day. The bliss of solitude is rare in my communal, family-oriented, busy-as-a-bee lifestyle. It is sweet, precious nectar to me. It appears that my little daughter feels the same way.Â
I love it when I can figure out a little piece of the puzzle.Â
***
On the road, we are on the second leg of our trip to Canada today, happy to be going, happy to have spent time with wonderful friends here in Eugene on our way up.Â
Reader Comments (5)
Aha! Doesn't it feel good when you find something that works when it comes to parenting? Congrats to you for seeing some of you in her and giving her what she needed in the moment. Knowing that tidbit about YaYa will help you immensely when she gets older. My 10 yr. old girl hasn't been easy to figure out and it seems like we're butting heads more frequently as she grows. I'm wondering when I'll ever learn what works with her and what causes the conflict to commence. Parenting is definitely an interesting ride!
Hope the rest of your trip is a happy and safe one!
I have two emotional little girls, ages 2 and 4. I always felt weird telling them not to cry because they're having those emotions and they have to let them out somehow. So, if I can't help them "reason" out of their emotions, I've taught them that they can cry in their room into their pillow. I tell them that it's OK to cry, but unless we can do something about it, they can cry privately because it "hurts our ears" (which is true). This isn't about ignoring their concerns, because we still try to work it out verbally. But often they're just distraught because something didn't go their way, and they just need to let it out. That's when I suggest their room. I think having "alone time" is another reason why it seems to work. Thanks for sharing!
Who would have thunk it? That's all it took? Just that little time alone - too bad you won't be able to use time-outs any more - she'll probably love them. Reminds me of a grandfather of hers who used to get sent to sit on the stairs whenever he was bad and there he had a book hid and guess what he was doing......reading it during his supposed time-out time.
Can't wait to see allllll of you guys!
We do that too, with loud crying spells. Not that it's bad to cry, but sometimes it takes over the whole room, and so it's good to go where they can be alone.
It's interesting, I think there's an age when kids start to not want others to see them cry. I haven't noticed any of that at our house yet!
Jennifer- I feel like I'm trying to figure out my oldest right now. I want to know how to bring out the best in him. It's such a long discovery, isn't it?
Even before Bub was born, hubby and I were so excited for the day he would start talking and we could get that glimpse into his mind, find out what he was thinking. And then he did start talking, and it turned out that what he was thinking about was the words to The Cat in the Hat.
No, really, though. It's just as good as I imagined, these moments of insight into who are children are.