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Wednesday
Sep122007
An Open Letter to the Checker at Costco
September 12, 2007
Dear Checker at Costco,
Yes, you. The guy at the register.Â
The other day you and I were having a little conversation about why I didn't want to renew my executive membership. "Just give me the plain ol' plain ol' membership," I said. "Because we're going away." This is where our discourse became, well, ridiculous.  Because you assumed that when I said going away, what I meant was going to prison.Â
You paused and said, "you mean, to the slammer?"Â And I scratched my head and thought, what an odd way to joke around with a customer, but I went along with your joke and said, "Yeah, what I should have said was, 'they're putting us away.'Â
And you paused, and said, "that's terrible. When?"Â
I said, "Oh you know- soon."Â
And then you looked at me and said, "Wow. Are you serious?"Â
And that's when I realized you weren't joking.
I was having my own little joke there, all by myself. Because you thought that I was going to prison and that I was confiding it in you while I was buying my groceries.Â
Okay, so 1. If I was going to prison, I probably wouldn't tell you. I mean, I know we have history and everything, but I just don't think I'd be broadcasting it around the large warehouse store that sells Polish dogs and chocolate fountains.
2. If I was going to prison, I wouldn't be buying a huge bag of organic baby carrots and a huge bag of toilet paper. Why would I be stocking up on carrots and t.p.? You really need to think about this before assuming that people are going to be doing time. It would be better for customer relations, my friend. You need to know your target market. I'd probably be buying a giant pack of pens, for all my letter-writing.
So, I asked you, "Do you always assume that when someone says they're going away, they're saying they're going to jail?"Â
And you said, "Yes, when... uh... you come from a town like mine."Â
What? What? That little pause said it all. You meant, when the someone looks like you.Â
I mean, we know that people assume that we grow plants. That we have big marijuana forests. That's what people do, on land around here. But we don't. And I wish more people would ask, rather than just assuming, because then I could set them straight. But it isn't done, because it isn't done, you know, and that's what happens when you live in a county as secretive as ours. So I guess I can only say this:
Next time, if I'm going to tell you that I'm heading for prison, I'll be clear, okay? I'll say, "I don't want to renew my executive membership because they don't have Costco in jail."
And you can make sympathetic noises and think pleasantly to yourself that all your suspicions about me have been happily confirmed.Â
Signed,
The dready girl who buys all those carrots.
Â
Yes, you. The guy at the register.Â
The other day you and I were having a little conversation about why I didn't want to renew my executive membership. "Just give me the plain ol' plain ol' membership," I said. "Because we're going away." This is where our discourse became, well, ridiculous.  Because you assumed that when I said going away, what I meant was going to prison.Â
You paused and said, "you mean, to the slammer?"Â And I scratched my head and thought, what an odd way to joke around with a customer, but I went along with your joke and said, "Yeah, what I should have said was, 'they're putting us away.'Â
And you paused, and said, "that's terrible. When?"Â
I said, "Oh you know- soon."Â
And then you looked at me and said, "Wow. Are you serious?"Â
And that's when I realized you weren't joking.
I was having my own little joke there, all by myself. Because you thought that I was going to prison and that I was confiding it in you while I was buying my groceries.Â
Okay, so 1. If I was going to prison, I probably wouldn't tell you. I mean, I know we have history and everything, but I just don't think I'd be broadcasting it around the large warehouse store that sells Polish dogs and chocolate fountains.
2. If I was going to prison, I wouldn't be buying a huge bag of organic baby carrots and a huge bag of toilet paper. Why would I be stocking up on carrots and t.p.? You really need to think about this before assuming that people are going to be doing time. It would be better for customer relations, my friend. You need to know your target market. I'd probably be buying a giant pack of pens, for all my letter-writing.
So, I asked you, "Do you always assume that when someone says they're going away, they're saying they're going to jail?"Â
And you said, "Yes, when... uh... you come from a town like mine."Â
What? What? That little pause said it all. You meant, when the someone looks like you.Â
I mean, we know that people assume that we grow plants. That we have big marijuana forests. That's what people do, on land around here. But we don't. And I wish more people would ask, rather than just assuming, because then I could set them straight. But it isn't done, because it isn't done, you know, and that's what happens when you live in a county as secretive as ours. So I guess I can only say this:
Next time, if I'm going to tell you that I'm heading for prison, I'll be clear, okay? I'll say, "I don't want to renew my executive membership because they don't have Costco in jail."
And you can make sympathetic noises and think pleasantly to yourself that all your suspicions about me have been happily confirmed.Â
Signed,
The dready girl who buys all those carrots.
Â
Reader Comments (16)
love the post, especially because i know that area and i know costco checkers, i can see the scene in my mind's eye.
That is hysterical, Rae.
I'm going to Costco today and will probably giggle my way up and down every aisle.
If I were going to jail, I'd make sure to stock up on those rockin' frozen cream puffs to help me make friends.
The slammer? That's quite a leap.
i needed a chuckle, so thank you! what a strange leap to make, some people. . .
and thank you for your kind words over at my blog. i'm so glad to have found your little space here. i am really enjoying reading through your old posts - certain to be back for more!
HAHAHAHAHA!
I have no words.
ROFL
you made the shreddies & milk spill out of my mouth and down my shirt. then the baby woke up because all the spillage made me laugh even more. nice.
Mamie, I can tell that you KNOW.
Mopsy, those cream puffs are possibly the single best thing about Costco. Have you ever read my story of Leaf's birth? When the cream puffs were my mascot? I have way too many posts about Costco.
David, you're telling me. I think these guys are part of a secret society or something, because they just keep getting stranger.
Love Squalor, oh I love it that you're here! I love your blog.
Carrien and Josy, you make me blush. And wish I was there to see you snort up milk and roll on the floor.
Tee Hee!!! As I was reading along I was thinking of the Hilton lady and the other one that recently went to jail (in and out in record time). The whole thing made pretty good sense in that context. I was thinking well she is very pretty but not that ditsy and she's got babies.
Have you ever seen the movie Saving Grace? It's really funny. (not bad but not appropriate for children) So much for stereotyping.
I couldn't laugh cause I'd disturb all the other studious people at the library, but I smiled and smirked really big the whole read. Miss you. Love you. Visit us.
Well, first I giggled and then clicked the link so I could laugh and snort too. Polish dogs and chocolate fountains indeed! (yes, we have a membership too, but just a plain ol' membership) Now I'm sitting and thinking of how sad it is that people can live their whole lives with stupid, preconceived ideas about the world around them. Very sad. Ignorance definitely is NOT bliss. This challenges me too, to set aside assumptions and let people teach me who they are not by what they look like, but by their conduct and character.
OK, so to be clear...if I AM going away, I won't be needing a huge bag of organic carrots or toilet paper? All those dang What to Pack lists are WRONG!!!
I found you via KiWords. And I'll be back! (And I say that not in a creepy stalker way, but just in a "Hey, you seem cool and we can be best friends forever!!!" way. Hmmm...that kind of DOES sound weird. Oh well!)
Well you know, you did have that seedy look in your eyes, and everybody knows that the best way to make friends in jail is with baby carrots everybody loves a good baby carrot to become bff
Lulu, well I'm glad you don't think I'm as ditsy as Paris Hilton :)
Rachel, OKAY! Scotland here we come.
Jennifer, they are ingrained, but they can be undone!
Angela, Yay! I'm not as cool as I seem, though.
And Renee, you know you're the real reason that he thought we were going to jail. It's because you are so shifty.
Oh, I am!
(Working on self esteem here...LOL!)
Nah, whoever really IS?
Wow, I am quite surprised by this post. So the checker made this assumption based on what???? I guess I don't get it. Are there really people out there like that?
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