Sitting in a parking lot...

In Ontario

close to Toronto

we are visiting the family on my side.

Snow everywhere, piles of it just waiting

but we have no snowsuits

because we live in California.

I remember snow, I remember freezing

I remember mascara running off of my thawed eyelashes

on the bus, the fourteen year old embarrassment.

I am nauseous and pregnant now

but I remember my thin gawky body covered in overcoats that were too big

as I sit in this parking lot,

covered in snow

hijacking wireless

on a New Year's Day

that somehow snuck up on me

like this pregnancy, like being an adult,

like my children growing up away from the snow.