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Thursday
Oct232008
Well, it's been over two months and we made it, kiddo!
October 23, 2008 
All in one piece, too. Actually, let me check. (Counting my fingers and toes...)
Okay, yes, all in one piece. But tired, oh so tired.
Oh, Baba. Solo.
You are the best thing that has happened to our family since the Leaf Baby was born. And although many things in my days are driving me to the brink lately, whether it be Kid A's absentminded melancholy, the YaYa sister's will of sharp steel and endless arguments, Leafy's perpetual eating and drinking of things which are not meant for him to eat and drink (cooking oil, raw oats, and raw onions), or even your own gassy crying jags during which you instruct me to keep on moving if I ever try to stop walking you across the floor...
Well, it only takes a few minutes of sitting and talking with you to bring me back. You are like a small star in our dark galaxy. While the rest of us are behaving like beasts, galloping and complaining, nagging and slouching around in our underwear, you catch our eyes and make contact and you make us better people.
Leafy will stop pouring out the bottle of tea tree oil all over the couch cushion just to sit by you and stroke your hair, so, so softly. YaYa tells you that she loves you in her softest, sweetest voice. And Kid A holds you and his heart swells when you recognize him. Your dad and I are just smitten.
I've never been so challenged or so blessed. I want to say your name over and over, just to hear the sound of it, because there was a time before you were here, and I'm so glad I don't have to go back.
Bear with me kid, I'm a mess of a mother, but I do love you so,
Love,
me.
in Letters, Little Solo
Letters, Little Solo 
Reader Comments (13)
I know this feeling. :)
"I’ve never been so challenged or so blessed. I want to say your name over and over, just to hear the sound of it, because there was a time before you were here, and I’m so glad I don’t have to go back. Bear with me kid, I’m a mess of a mother, but I do love you so,"
Truer words....I love this paragraph.
DITTO what carrien said!
I remember so very clearly when I had four little ones, being in awe of the bounty of my life, yet near crazy from exhaustion. I looked up that time in my mother's journal and I wrote, "I can not make sense out of the contradiction in my mind between feeling so burdened and yet so very blessed."
Now, looking back, those times are sweet memories as well as strengthening times. I am more capable of handling the difficulties of life now because of those times when I chose love to carry me over the river of confusion and fatigue. You are choosing that now, and it pays off big!
I love what you write, because is it obvious you know you are living in grace. Everyone is "a mess of a mother" at this stage of the game, and it is the LOVE you have that takes you from day to day.
Just don't forget to rest when you can. Lots of things (not necessarily people, but things) can wait until you get a 20 minute nap. Seriously, if I had to do it over again, I wouldn't change anything but making myself rest more.
Beautiful, all around.
I can't believe it has been two months.
Firstly, I know that you are an awesome mother! Secondly he is absolutely beautiful! And it is true, that once another child joins the fold, you cannot imagine life without them. God know that for sure!
Thanks for the photos! One day at a time, that's all it takes!
Hugs and kisses!
Congratulations on making it this far!
And from the cheap seats? It looks like you are doing a fantastic job with your lovely family
abs x
Beautiful!
When I read two months, I thought NO WAY, already. This is because I normally get a full night's sleep. Two months feel very different with and without sleep. You are an amazing person. Thanks for sharing your insight. I hope you will write a book someday.
I just had similar thoughts the other day about our little, (well 2 1/2 year old now), guy. Isn't it wonderful? And Ya Ya sounds a lot like our little gal with the arguing, strong personality, etc. I can't imagine having two other ones along with what I've got going on right now! You're doing so well, you really are.
I don't have anything profound to say except: I don't think you are a mess of a mother.
You are too a mess, a big, big mess. NOT. Solo is AWE some.
That was so real and so beautiful. It resonates with me so so much that tears came to my eyes. Your inner beauty shines through in your writing, thank you for sharing, and thank you for sharing your truth.
I love this Rae. "Behaving like beasts" made me laugh and call Brendan over to read the paragraph. I laugh because sometimes we're a little beastly ourselves. We think you guys are a dream come true.