I pin things here.
I write short things here.
My author page is here.
My photos are here.
I talk about books here.
Sunday
Oct052008
Stepping back again
October 5, 2008
I'm pretty exhausted right now, due to a gassy-baby Sunday. The child barely slept all day. But he's doing better at night--actually, really great at night, so I'll catch up, I think.
This is a tiring time of life for me. And very, very blessed. Do things always come in extremes? I wonder this at night, when I think of all the people who tell me to treasure these moments, but then I forget to treasure them because I'm busy hunting for my keys because my brain left with my free time.
Jaya has been gone all weekend, which is good because I need to get back into the swing of things. We move in a week, and she won't be coming with us. I don't regret a single moment of having Jaya work for us. We've learned so much and I've already become SO much more confident about living here, but I'm excited about having a kitchen that is my own. My chapattis have been getting better and better, too.
I'm torn about moving. It will be wonderful, I know, but I don't like change. I believe this is due to my lack of imagination. I can't fathom how things will turn out. We'll just have to see.
Once again, after having a baby, I'm filling up with creative juices. All these ideas, all these thoughts. They come to me in dreams, I mull over issues and see wonderful things that I would like to write about, or photograph, or paint. My book always calls to me-- it almost hurts. I really want to do more visual art again. I feel far from it. All the creativity... but NO TIME. No time.
I make lists. These are my goals for the month. They are modest goals, but I don't get them done. Sigh. Big sigh. I will not wish this dear, maddening, sweet time in my life away. Not one minute in delicious baby time, not one long complicated story from a six-year-old boy. I won't will it to pass. I will take the advice of those older and wiser than myself, and not rush it.
You can't spend all of your life frustrated, you know? Better to sink into it. I love them, I love them. They are slowly making me into the person who I really want to be.
The book will get written some day. Maybe this will be the month that I make my modest goals. And maybe the pigs we feed with our scraps, down the hill from us, maybe they'll sprout wings also.
It could happen.
This is a tiring time of life for me. And very, very blessed. Do things always come in extremes? I wonder this at night, when I think of all the people who tell me to treasure these moments, but then I forget to treasure them because I'm busy hunting for my keys because my brain left with my free time.
Jaya has been gone all weekend, which is good because I need to get back into the swing of things. We move in a week, and she won't be coming with us. I don't regret a single moment of having Jaya work for us. We've learned so much and I've already become SO much more confident about living here, but I'm excited about having a kitchen that is my own. My chapattis have been getting better and better, too.
I'm torn about moving. It will be wonderful, I know, but I don't like change. I believe this is due to my lack of imagination. I can't fathom how things will turn out. We'll just have to see.
Once again, after having a baby, I'm filling up with creative juices. All these ideas, all these thoughts. They come to me in dreams, I mull over issues and see wonderful things that I would like to write about, or photograph, or paint. My book always calls to me-- it almost hurts. I really want to do more visual art again. I feel far from it. All the creativity... but NO TIME. No time.
I make lists. These are my goals for the month. They are modest goals, but I don't get them done. Sigh. Big sigh. I will not wish this dear, maddening, sweet time in my life away. Not one minute in delicious baby time, not one long complicated story from a six-year-old boy. I won't will it to pass. I will take the advice of those older and wiser than myself, and not rush it.
You can't spend all of your life frustrated, you know? Better to sink into it. I love them, I love them. They are slowly making me into the person who I really want to be.
The book will get written some day. Maybe this will be the month that I make my modest goals. And maybe the pigs we feed with our scraps, down the hill from us, maybe they'll sprout wings also.
It could happen.
in Mama Stuff
Mama Stuff 
Reader Comments (7)
Oh the ridiculously modest lists that get thrown away, undone. Oh, the important stories unwritten, the ridiculously modest projects never finished. (Oh, the un-filed nails, the un-showered body... )
Why is it that creativity seems to flow most when you least have time to express it?
I totally understand that feeling. If I have another child some day, my list for the first 3 months at least will consist of simply "survive."
Have you heard of Gypsee Yo? She's a slam poet and she has a poem called "why a poem has to wait". You could probably relate to it. I posted a link to that poem a few days ago on my blog, or you could look it up on youtube if you're interested.
You don't know me, but I have discovered your blog, and have followed you and your family as you have traveled to India. So very cool!!!!!!
After reading your blog these past few days, I realized that I, and my husband had gone through much the same as you and your family are experiencing right now.
I realize I don't have a poetic bone in my body. So, with that I won't say any more.
Best of best of best- to you and your family.
Sue- Seattle, WA
Rae, books gestate and are born like babies. Your book will be born. I wrote one while nursing a toddler and the other while pregnant. And have had an eight year gestation of my current book, still not born. You never know. Stay at peace; it all works out while we are in God's hand. Which we always are.
Rachel you get way more done with 4 kids than I do with 2 - you're amazing! I think a lot of people look at you and only wish they could be that productive!
I have found that if I do a small creative project that takes only a few hours I have the satisfaction of finishing something creative at least. Then when I have more time I tackle the bigger projects I've been brain storming about. Just some advice FWIW from another mother who is a creative soul. :)
As for a book, you could publish your blogs in my opinion! I enjoy reading journals a lot. I think that the things people write when they aren't "writing" are far more interesting and real than planned writings end up being anyway.
I have a picture that you painted in my house and I love looking at it. Your creativity is blessing me. I will pray for rest for you.
Dang, that's good stuff Rae. Thanks for the reminder to enjoy the phase they are in.