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Saturday
Nov152008
Strong is Overrated
November 15, 2008
The good news is that I've found my camera battery charger, which means that I'll be taking photos and uploading them again. It's only taken me a month of looking for it to find it, which really means a month of telling myself to look for it, and then finally finding it right where it should be; buried in my computer bag.
I've been rather busy. But you already know that.
(I hope that underneath all my exhaustion you can read the pure and joyous love that I have for my family. You can? Good.)
Chinua is in Amsterdam for a week, and judging from his emails, he likes Goa better. He used the word "grey" a lot in his description of landing in the cold city.
Whenever Chinua is away, I shove down that lost child that wants to wail inside of me, and become my strongest self. I need to. Of course, it's all just preparation for the meltdown that occurs as soon as his travel-weary feet cross the threshold again. That lost child is now very well aware that it was left alone for a long time and she is mad. Kind of like when your kids are playing nicely with some other adults, but as soon as you reappear, they all start crying and running toward you and clutching at your clothes in misery, and the other adults are all "Wha? They were doing so well!"
The other adults don't understand the power of suggestion. The mere sight of their mother suggests to children that they probably need something, what could it be?
And for me, after trips when my Superstar Husband is gone, the mere sight of him suggests to me that I'M SO TIRED I WORK SO HARD NO ONE KNOWS NO ONE UNDERSTANDS.
Unfortunately.
But, I know well enough by now to know that this meltdown is inevitable. All I can hope is that my Superstar Husband will be patient enough to shake his head sympathetically and click his tongue in disbelief (while I'm regurgitating small grievances at him) and it will be quickly over and then we can hug and kiss and dance around like fools. Because? I actually just really oh really miss him.
I've been rather busy. But you already know that.
(I hope that underneath all my exhaustion you can read the pure and joyous love that I have for my family. You can? Good.)
Chinua is in Amsterdam for a week, and judging from his emails, he likes Goa better. He used the word "grey" a lot in his description of landing in the cold city.
Whenever Chinua is away, I shove down that lost child that wants to wail inside of me, and become my strongest self. I need to. Of course, it's all just preparation for the meltdown that occurs as soon as his travel-weary feet cross the threshold again. That lost child is now very well aware that it was left alone for a long time and she is mad. Kind of like when your kids are playing nicely with some other adults, but as soon as you reappear, they all start crying and running toward you and clutching at your clothes in misery, and the other adults are all "Wha? They were doing so well!"
The other adults don't understand the power of suggestion. The mere sight of their mother suggests to children that they probably need something, what could it be?
And for me, after trips when my Superstar Husband is gone, the mere sight of him suggests to me that I'M SO TIRED I WORK SO HARD NO ONE KNOWS NO ONE UNDERSTANDS.
Unfortunately.
But, I know well enough by now to know that this meltdown is inevitable. All I can hope is that my Superstar Husband will be patient enough to shake his head sympathetically and click his tongue in disbelief (while I'm regurgitating small grievances at him) and it will be quickly over and then we can hug and kiss and dance around like fools. Because? I actually just really oh really miss him.
Reader Comments (7)
I guess that's all you really need to say - how very much you missed him. Some days it just feels like crowd control happening - that's all that seems to get done, but hey that's okay too!
Hope you fare well. Miss you! Wish I could help!
K used to travel a lot when my kids were small and I remember listing my petty grievances upon his return.
It did really boil down to missing him and he was always patient. I hope the time passes quickly for you.
Oh Girl, I feel your pain except my Favorite Person is not in Amsterdam. My husband is in India for a week (yes India!!!) on a trip to meet with some precious people and some amazing folks who train pastors and then some beautiful children waiting for families in Vizag. While I'm anxious for him to return, I'm oh so glad he gets to be there...wishing I was there too, but happy for his opportunity. My poor children- their mother is not feeling well and their daddy is away. Their week may feel longer than mine. :-)
I imagine the difference between Goa and Amsterdam is rather startling. Hoping all goes well for you this week and our husbands return safe & sound and better for having traveled so far from home.
We are in the same boat, just different seas. I feel for you.
Oh, those absent husband weeks, when the days drag on forever, and the children need all of you, all the time, and there is not an ounce of patience to spare...and everything that can go wrong does go wrong. They are the grey days. We know that we are strong and we can get through them, and that they are oh, so good for our character development. But it doesn't mean we have to like them. Here's hoping for a quiet moment for you to breathe..
Hello! I've been reading your blog for some time now, but I don't think I've ever left a comment.
I really enjoy reading about your life and adventures. Your so real, and I really appreciate that. When I was reading this post, I totally related. That is exactly how I act/feel when my husband is away and comes home. :)
It is small of me but I am jealous of your relationship.
But, mostly happy that you have it.