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Wednesday
Dec172008
Trust
December 17, 2008
Well, I did cry pretty hard before Matty left.
I sort of fell apart.
But then I got in the taxi to go with him to the airport.
We talked along the way. I have a good brother.
On the way home I thought a lot about life, and how we find ourselves in places that are unexpected.
I thought about moving. I thought about quiet, and peace, and about joyous chaos, which seems to be the state of my life, lately.
I thought about how isolated it makes me feel when people react as though I have two heads when they see how many children I have. And then I thought about how much I love my brother- how it felt like a chunk of me was going to sleep again when he went away, and I thought about YaYa feeling that way about Kid A or Leafy or Solo when she's older.
Suddenly everything seemed right again.
The shape of the sun's light inspired me, and I worked on my book a bit, in the quiet car as we drove the long drive to get home.
We meditated on this verse yesterday morning:
You will keep him in perfect peace,
whose mind is stayed on You,
because he trusts in You.
Trust in the Lord forever,
for in YAH, the Lord, is everlasting strength.
Isaiah 26:3 and 4
I could sit and let these words sing through me all day long.
I sort of fell apart.
But then I got in the taxi to go with him to the airport.
We talked along the way. I have a good brother.
On the way home I thought a lot about life, and how we find ourselves in places that are unexpected.
I thought about moving. I thought about quiet, and peace, and about joyous chaos, which seems to be the state of my life, lately.
I thought about how isolated it makes me feel when people react as though I have two heads when they see how many children I have. And then I thought about how much I love my brother- how it felt like a chunk of me was going to sleep again when he went away, and I thought about YaYa feeling that way about Kid A or Leafy or Solo when she's older.
Suddenly everything seemed right again.
The shape of the sun's light inspired me, and I worked on my book a bit, in the quiet car as we drove the long drive to get home.
We meditated on this verse yesterday morning:
You will keep him in perfect peace,
whose mind is stayed on You,
because he trusts in You.
Trust in the Lord forever,
for in YAH, the Lord, is everlasting strength.
Isaiah 26:3 and 4
I could sit and let these words sing through me all day long.
Reader Comments (9)
Oh, I'm sorry - I knew that you would feel that way. It's so hard being away from family - a little how I feel as well! I cried a lot when I went east and thought about all the years that I'd lived so far away.
I love that verse, and He is with you. I love your pictures too. Hug your husband and your kids, and Jesus - they will all help you through!
The pictures made me feel like I was with you.....I long for that so much. I totally understand what you are going through because I am as well.....
I treasure those verses so much that I've looked them up in many, many translations. My favorite is this one in the Young's Literal Translation:
"An imagination supported Thou fortifiest peace-
peace! For in Thee it is confident. Trust ye in Jehovah forever, for in Jehovah is a rock of ages."
No matter how much I chew on it there's more...
Goodbye's are so hard. I'm glad though, that there's Peace in that unexpected place in which you find yourself today.
During my land days that scripture was a source of massive comfort over and over.
"How it felt like a chunk of me was going to sleep again " describes just how I feel when I'm in the USA. When I'm elsewhere, it's like part of me wakes up. So glad for the time you had with Matty.
And I think it's great that you have four kids. I wouldn't mind four myself. And, I think that having two heads wouldn't really be a bad thing when it comes to the kids. :>
Love you!
Further bravery - the parting, the writing, the meditation. I cannot remember living my life so fully when my children were so small.
You are so mysterious to me. this life you lead.
and your hands. so delicate.
Did she really lie? Was Jack right? Is Todd's presence a good or bad thing?
You are such a tease.
i think it is a hard time (wherever you are!) to have a big family, at least that is how i feel with 3 of my own. when we had our first, we said he would be the only and now there are 3 and we are so very blessed, even with all the lumps and bumps and mess (that drives me batty!) i visited my brother/family last month (they are southeast u.s. i am in pacific nw u.s.) and each time i leave it seems harder to be so far. so what you wrote about your brother really spoke to me right now. lots of laughter and love.
you are awesome!