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Saturday
Mar222008
Wandery thoughts on Holy Saturday
March 22, 2008
The quote is from The Royal Tenenbaums, by Raleigh (Bill Murray's character), about Dudley. It's one of my favorite bits of the movie. Raleigh, the psychologist, is listing Dudley's symptoms into a voice recorder in a very soft voice, stating that he's colorblind, blah blah blah, and he has a highly acute sense of hearing. From what seems like miles away, Dudley looks up and asks, "Am I colorblind?"
You needed to know all that.
*
But really, today, as Easter is popping up on us in March, like a gopher, I am thinking about a lot more than the RT, I promise.
Yesterday I had some discouraging moments, as I couldn't work out some details with our shipping, and I'm just so tired of dealing with logistics for my whole entire life.
But now I take a deep breath and let it out. I have about fifty hundred things to think about. And the wild children are asking me if they can take down the walls in our house and plant thousands of dandelions. (?!)
Yesterday when we were sitting at the table eating, Chinua was telling me about his first experience in Israel (we are going to be in Israel en route to India) and I listened with my chin resting on my hand.
"It's so strange, because you get there and it's the most familiar place in the world to you, because you've heard about these places forever. But you know nothing about it at the same time, because you've never been here before."
While he was talking I thought about Moses and Mt. Sinai, and the Jordan River, and Jesus and the Mount of Olives, and I thought -about Jesus-, "Oh... I miss him."
It was such an odd thought, but one that I've been having a lot lately. He is the man that I've decided to follow forever, sometimes dejectedly, sometimes with singing, sometimes barefoot, sometimes with hiking boots on. I just wish that when I arrive in Israel I would find him one day, wandering on dusty hills with a bunch of people running behind him, hoping to see something amazing. (Like that kid in the Incredibles.)
Oh I miss him. He is with me, but I never read John's words, "That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we looked upon and have touched with our hands..." without feeling a little bit envious. I had a dream a while back, that I was with a group of people, and we had found out that Jesus was going to visit us in the flesh. I was so, so, excited, and trying to figure out what I would do when he arrived. Finally I stationed myself by the door, figuring that I could touch his feet as he entered. But then someone picked up a guitar, and I realized that I had got it wrong, and that we were going to sing together, Jesus wasn't going to walk in.
But even getting it wrong was beautiful. One day I will see my wandering teacher. That is the belief that I write the story of my life on. He sets the lonely in families. That is the theme.
Traditionally, today is a day that he spent lying cold in a grave, and because we get to know the whole story, we know it gets better. But at the time? They were thinking, Oh- I miss him.
"He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not." Isaiah 53:3
You needed to know all that.
*
But really, today, as Easter is popping up on us in March, like a gopher, I am thinking about a lot more than the RT, I promise.
Yesterday I had some discouraging moments, as I couldn't work out some details with our shipping, and I'm just so tired of dealing with logistics for my whole entire life.
But now I take a deep breath and let it out. I have about fifty hundred things to think about. And the wild children are asking me if they can take down the walls in our house and plant thousands of dandelions. (?!)
Yesterday when we were sitting at the table eating, Chinua was telling me about his first experience in Israel (we are going to be in Israel en route to India) and I listened with my chin resting on my hand.
"It's so strange, because you get there and it's the most familiar place in the world to you, because you've heard about these places forever. But you know nothing about it at the same time, because you've never been here before."
While he was talking I thought about Moses and Mt. Sinai, and the Jordan River, and Jesus and the Mount of Olives, and I thought -about Jesus-, "Oh... I miss him."
It was such an odd thought, but one that I've been having a lot lately. He is the man that I've decided to follow forever, sometimes dejectedly, sometimes with singing, sometimes barefoot, sometimes with hiking boots on. I just wish that when I arrive in Israel I would find him one day, wandering on dusty hills with a bunch of people running behind him, hoping to see something amazing. (Like that kid in the Incredibles.)
Oh I miss him. He is with me, but I never read John's words, "That which was from the beginning, which we have heard, which we have seen with our eyes, which we looked upon and have touched with our hands..." without feeling a little bit envious. I had a dream a while back, that I was with a group of people, and we had found out that Jesus was going to visit us in the flesh. I was so, so, excited, and trying to figure out what I would do when he arrived. Finally I stationed myself by the door, figuring that I could touch his feet as he entered. But then someone picked up a guitar, and I realized that I had got it wrong, and that we were going to sing together, Jesus wasn't going to walk in.
But even getting it wrong was beautiful. One day I will see my wandering teacher. That is the belief that I write the story of my life on. He sets the lonely in families. That is the theme.
Traditionally, today is a day that he spent lying cold in a grave, and because we get to know the whole story, we know it gets better. But at the time? They were thinking, Oh- I miss him.
"He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not." Isaiah 53:3
Reader Comments (9)
eli's middle name was going to be cash... just sayin'.
Oh, Rae you express it so well, that longing to be with Him, that longing to continue following after Him, running after Him. I looked up and I saw my Savior rising, I looked up and I saw my Savior rising from the grave, Hallelujah He is risen, Hallelujah He's alive, Hallelujah He is risen, Hallelujah He's alive. Oh, that's for tomorrow!
Just wanted to tell you Rae that your posts have been so encouraging to me lately and I hear God talking to me through your words so often:) We're preparing for a move back to the States and there are many reasons to be stressed to the point of anxiety (I won't go into it all) while taking care of toddlers. These have been two hard/marvelous years in Germany in which we've been blessed richly with wonderful and miserable times. Through the misery we learned so much and the wonderful times were like rain. I admire and love to read about people who travel and move all over the place and I wish I could be like that but it takes me so long to settle. So while I miss my huge family greatly and look forward to getting back to them, this foreign place has become home. I leave behind quiet, peaceful holidays, giving birth to my second son, exquisite toys, chocolate, the richness of another culture, the lack of commercialism, Christmas markets and constant festivals, living in a town/country (we have stores nearby but we also have tractors with hay passing us), being able to walk to everything I need...this one is HUGE, I can use the car but rarely do, a house that we love that holds the light perfectly and so much of it and windows and glass doors that all open out with no screens, and SO much more. I miss community though and its so valuable to me and for some reason we just haven't had it here. My husband and I have learned things in our solitude that we could only learn in this way. It's time now to get back to community and being involved in it and having that accountability too. Anyway, I ramble on because when I drink too much coffee I talk too much:) I think you are awesome and I look forward to hearing about your getting to and adventures in India if you share them. Would love to hear about your past adventures there etc. too - from reading your 100 things about Rae. Perhaps you'll write a book about them? :) Saying a little prayer for you and yours...
I'm being ditzy the last few days....it must be all the stress! It's I looked up and saw my Lord arising..... etc.
Have a wonderful Easter! It is such a joyous occasion! Victory!
It is easy to forget that we WILL see Him face to face someday.
You mentioned Israel seeming familiar, and it reminded me of a moment last week, as I drove my father to catch his flight for his first trip to Israel. He mentioned that he'd found a decent hotel rate at the Crown Plaza-Jerusalem, and it just hit me so strangely. I KNOW it's a modern city, too, but MY usual context for thinking about it is biblical and ancient. So, well, yes: Holiday Inn--Jerusalem. Why not? McDonald's-Jerusalem, and, yea, Starbucks-Jerusalem. Somehow it hit my geographically-cloistered funnybone... =)
I wish you a wonderful celebration of the resurrection of our God and Savior!
I agree with the missing of Him...my favorite dream ever is of Him in my bedroom in the middle of the night- I can't see Him, but know He's there and the room is so bright and there's a steady warm breeze in my face. The only way to describe how it felt is calm euphoria. (how's that for an oxymoron?) There was no upset in my mind. No unsettled thoughts rambling around in my head- keeping me awake. It was the incredible presence of my Lord. It was ompletely tantalizing and I've yearned for that feeling and longed to dream that dream many times since.
Your wandery thoughts are beautiful ones- they reminded me of that dream and made me smile. :-)
i was in a terrible car accident when i was 16 years old. i did okay until we arrived at the hospital and then i started falling and falling into the most frightening of places, and then he was holding me, i felt him holding me and carrying me back up. it was the most secure i have ever felt in my entire life. i miss him too. thank you for reminding me to tell him that.
That was beautiful. Thinking of you this Easter morning.
Beautiful thoughts and beautiful words that accompany them.