The Query Letter I *Didn't* Write

Dear Agent,

I have a super fantastic book that I wrote, and I think it will make us both rich and famous! LOL!  There are a few reasons that I think this.

1. Because you are totally awesome, obviously, I read your website and it sounds like you are the most awesome person on the planet! LOL!

2. Because my husband really likes the book.  He told me he couldn't put it down. And you should know that my husband isn't the type of husband that would say that it was good just because I wrote it.  He's actually a really picky person.  Really picky, and he's totally honest, too. So if he says he likes something, HE REALLY LIKES IT! LOL!  For example, when we were trying to pick a title, he told me that if I said the word "landscape" one more time, he was going to throw me out the door. Landscape. Landscaaaaape. Sounds good to me, but I trust my husband!  Did I mention that he's in this really cool band?


3. Because my friend Renee likes it and sometimes she calls me to read a line she really likes to me, and then I'm all, "Why did you like it?" because I really like to talk about it.  I'm like that with writing, but not with cooking, because when I cook and people like it, I'm all embarrassed and stuff. And I made a cake the other day and people liked it and one person said I should totally start a cake business, and it was SO EMBARRASSING.  But I like it when Renee reads paragraphs that she likes to me.

What have I been doing for the last few years?  Well.... I've been doing lots of stuff, like cooking (I already said that) and sometimes I go for a scooter ride in the jungle, and I have this blog that's just amazing, you should totally read it, and I take care of my kids and then sometimes I write down funny things they say!  I read all the time! And I do a lot of laundry. I also homeschool my kids. And I know a lot of people from all around the world.

Is that a good biography?

Okay, so... think about it. Let me know in the next day or so, because this offer's hot and you'd better jump on it! LOL!

All my love,

Rachel xoxoxoxo