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Friday
Jul042008
Linkety Link
July 4, 2008
There is a new post up at Fly Fishes Fly. Don't judge me because I have hired help.
Also, Chinua has some lovely new photos up. Lovely is really the wrong word, but I'm too tired and too pregnant to be smart right now.
And now is the point when I need you to reassure me about my parenting skillz. Please tell me that there are periods in a kid's life when they have less to do, are around home more. Tell me there are seasons.
Also, tell me that I should save the worrying for the point when they complain. Tell me that because they are happy and laughing and waking up excited for the day that I can STOP PROJECTING MY FEARS ONTO THEM. Tell me that friends come with time, that family is beautiful, and that our time together is precious, and that I need to STOP FRETTING LIKE A NEUROTIC CHICKEN LIVER ALREADY.
Please.
Also, tell me that one day soon my hips won't feel like they are going to explode with every step.
Thank you.
Also, Chinua has some lovely new photos up. Lovely is really the wrong word, but I'm too tired and too pregnant to be smart right now.
And now is the point when I need you to reassure me about my parenting skillz. Please tell me that there are periods in a kid's life when they have less to do, are around home more. Tell me there are seasons.
Also, tell me that I should save the worrying for the point when they complain. Tell me that because they are happy and laughing and waking up excited for the day that I can STOP PROJECTING MY FEARS ONTO THEM. Tell me that friends come with time, that family is beautiful, and that our time together is precious, and that I need to STOP FRETTING LIKE A NEUROTIC CHICKEN LIVER ALREADY.
Please.
Also, tell me that one day soon my hips won't feel like they are going to explode with every step.
Thank you.
Reader Comments (17)
I'll tell you - it's just a season, and soon your hips will be fun, once that baby-o decides to come, and you'd rather have sore hips than have him/her too soon, right!
You sound like the monsoon is getting to you - that and the pregnancy hormones that are for sure raging right now!
Miss you!
As a family living in a converted schoolbus I can relate. I worry that my kids aren't getting outside like I think they should be, but then dammit why are they so happy all the freakin' time?? I am truly amazed everyday that I never hear my kids say the dreaded words: I'm bored. I was a school kid full of stimulation, yet I know I was often bored. I think our kids just have a great innate ability to entertain themselves. Nice added bonus for an unconventional life. :)
peace, Vicki
Yep- it's ok. They're remarkably resilient and can definitely handle times when there is no going out and there are no people around that aren't an immediate relative. Right now 2 of my kids are w/o any friends that they can hang with during the long summer days and if I remember right it's this way every summer...but they DO have each other which is enough. No worries. This is a rich time of adjustment that you'll all look back on with warmth and smiles, even the uncomfortable parts- well not the hip thing. That part just plain sucks.
Ohhh, I should've checked Chinua's photos before commenting. They are absolutely striking. Lovely, yes and also poignant. David's hiding place is my fav. However, your passport photo rocks! I look bland and a little pissed off in mine. They tell you not to smile and all...
The hips will miraculously recover once the baby is born--or shortly thereafter. And your children seem(according to your blog accounts) stable, well rounded and intelligent, which is all a parent can really ask for no matter where they live. Also I'd put forward the idea that many generations of children around the world spent most or all their life around only their immediate family, and weather kept them inside for long periods of time and it did not hinder their development or otherwise ruin their lives. Pioneers, rural farmers and etcetera have led that life since time began.
Definitely save the worries for when your kids are unhappy. Imagine how stimulated their brains are by just taking in a whole new culture, even if it is from the windows.
And you will find friends and start to feel at home, you are in a perfectly normal state of culture shock, the part where the wonder of it all starts to wear off. Oh, and you're pregnant.
In other words, you are perfectly fine and normal and you're doing a great job with your kids. Mine don't wake up happy and excited about a new day, and we have tons of friends, libraries, museums, and the pool.
Personally I think it's fine for kids to have nothing to do and hang out at home. In fact, I think in some ways it's better.
Never underestimate the power of boredom, and the need to find ways to entertain themselves. THat's where they will become the most creative and make the most memories in the end. And kids thrive on boring old predictable routine. They live in Freakin' India for Crying out loud, they've globe trotted already. Stop worrying.
Was that good enough? Do you need some more?
You're welcome.
I also have had some adjustment on the idea of house help. My friend has recently moved to Niger and they can keep 4 or 5 families fed and housed just by paying a little bit for house help. ANd they need to hire guards as well.
It's not lazy, it's giving someone who needs it a job.
I'm glad you have help too.
Interesting. Coincidentally I just posted about the value of having long, lazy bouts of childhood time from a psychological standpoint. This is from eminent psychologists and psychiatrists, and even philosophers. Kierkegaard, yeah!
So I'm not just being friendly by telling you not to worry, I'm being all egg-headed and ivory-towerish. I do not live in a converted school bus, but I do know a few things about raising healthy kids, and you're doing it just right. Keep it up.
But one thing... MY hips were never the same again after my 4th and 5th kids (twins). So don't believe everything these youngsters tell you. Grandma Eve says sometimes one's hips can be compromised. But who cares? The babies are beautiful.
I love to see the pics of the kids. They are always look very self confident, happy, curious, and busy!!
I think when kids and grownups go through lots and lots of change fast they need extra quiet time to process what they see, hear, feel, and think.
We are always telling mom's if you are ok baby is ok. Sometimes we have to talk mom's into resting more and eatting more. I'm glad you are having quiet times.
The best memory of living in another country is the absence of a frienzied life. My neices and nephews would just crash at my house as they were always on the road with Mom and Dad. Both opportunities did them good. Three college grads and a doc on the way.
You are a Super Mom!!
You are totally NORMAL.
Very often, which means almost everyday, I rush my son to the park, the reading program, swim lessons, friends houses, whatever. I am constantly worried that he isn't doing enough or interacting enough.
I seem to be obsessed.
But this summer, the last before Kindergarten, I've slowed down. And I realized that this idea (or FORCE) is something that modern American culture is pushing on me and all mothers; Nothing is enough as far as your kids are concerned. Do more, give more, drain yourself.
Right?
Now here is the reality check:
My mother was too poor, tired and overwork to do anything other then holler, "go outside and play!"
And all five of her grown children are healthy, more than well adjusted, financially successful, family successful, and just generally happy. SHe did everything right. She let her own children grow up with one another and love another and that was enough.
(Every so often she'd throw out a bucket of crayons. ;))
You have 3 kids.
They will take care of one another.
DON'T WORRY!
Love them, feed them, read to them, guide them. They will take care of them rest.
Oh my, this post, and fly fishes post is like reading my diary from a few years ago.......well other than pregnancy!!! I went in with so many thoughts, and then just as you said, once you are there it is all so different! Enjoy the help! My kids fell in love with ours! Much to my shagrin!!! But then, we all cried when we had to say good-bye. So much letting go, more than one can imagine. Not just the physical change. I think allowing my mental changes to happen were way harder than learning to cook a new food, hang my clothes out to dry, and try to figure what what on earth people eat for breakfast if it isn't oatmeal, toast, or cereal.
About the hips. IT helped me a LOT to tie a scarf or belt around my hips as tightly as possible in those last few months. It felt a whole lot better to have that support.
Looks kind of goofy, but it's worth it.
Also, when you sit, try and put your pelvis straight down so you are right on you tail bones and your pelvis is tilted slightly forward. Stay that centered when you walk if you can. That helped too.
they will be just fine, having you and your love as their guides. your hip will be fine, you just have to get the little one out and then the joints go back to semi-normal. and you have mad skills, girl, just look at your beauties to know that.
You kids are growing an imagination- most kids never get the chance :)
really though, you are doing a great job! This will be an experience you will all enjoy remembering(sp)
This too shall pass~
Your husbands photos are amazing.
My hips were killing me at the end of my last pregnancy. Pillows were my only relief. Under the arms, under the hips, between the legs...
Thanks again for sharing this wonderful journey.
My hips hurt, and I'm not not about to produce a new person. Shoot dang. And I have cabin fever a bit myself, so I stare out the window at the forest covered hills, changing of the moon and the sun setting behind the bulb farm.
I'm sorry! This sounds like one of those tough seasons to get through, but it will get better, I promise, and you will probably remember it so much more fondly than you imagine you ever could right now. Hang in there. Wish I could give you a big hug.
I feel like that some days too. and I don't even have kids, but I've just moved from one city to another (after living in the same place for all 25 years of my life), and the whole "friends come with time" concept can be a bit of a struggle to internalize. It's one thing to know it in your head, and another to feel okay with feeling like a stranger and being a bit lost.
I crave familiarity, but I'm findint the only way to become familiar is to throw myself fully into my new surroundings and hope that eventually they feel like home.