On Writing a Novel

These are just a few things that you probably don't want to do if you are trying to write a book. (I thought I'd share some of my own reminders...)


1. Whine about how you have no space to write. Just get over it and find any place that you can set your bottom down. This is what laptops are for, for Pete's sake. It won't do you any good to throw yourself on the floor and cry just because you don't have a special room or place for yourself. And if you are living in the middle of nowhere, it really doesn't do you any good to long for the coffee shops you used to write in when you lived in San Francisco. So don't even bother.

2. Whine about how you have no time. Who cares about whether you have time or not? Does anyone really care if you get to write a book? Maybe a few close friends do, but will that give you anymore time? Nope. Do you care if you write a book? Yep. So once again, sit your bottom down whenever you can, and write. And this means making things happen for yourself and making time where you were previously letting it leak away.

3. Don't Sabotage the writing time that you do have by picking a fight with your husband. (By the way, you should never sabotage anything by picking a fight with your husband; it really gets you nothing. And things can get messy.) And especially, if he's volunteered to take care of the kids for an hour or so, don't nag him about being five minutes late. This will get you nowhere either, and it may just be another way of sabotaging your writing time. Once again, just take the time you've been given, sit your bottom down...

4. Definitely don't wait until you're done having babies to start writing your book. Don't do this. You don't know when you'll be done having babies, and by then someone will have written the book you were planning to write and they'll be making tons of money and it'll be five years later and you could have written three books by that time. Did you know that a lot of writers only get two hours of real writing in a day anyway? If you're quick, you can get a lot of that done in just an hour.

5. And don't buy your special writing computer from some unknown internet company that puts their own stuff together. Chances are, it won't work out all that well for you. Your computer may overheat constantly and then fry the graphics card. Just get over your Windows dependency and BUY THE MAC. But don't get jealous of your husband if you don't heed this advice and then he gets a Mac and it has all kinds of cool stuff that your computer doesn't have.