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Monday
Sep222008
Oh Solo!
September 22, 2008 
(Photo of mother and son in a very old mirror, in India, with a too-hot flash. Explain to me why I like it so much.)
This morning you smiled right into my eyes for the first time; one of those big gummy smiles with slightly squinched up eyes. Heartbreaking stuff, my boy. I felt another small piece of my insides being filed away in a tiny box with a label. "Love for Solo's smile," it says, in block letters and permanent marker.
(Sometimes I imagine that there is a mosaic of sorts, inside me, and all these little bits are the bits that are devoted to small parts of my loved ones. Leafy's lips; a blue triangle, Kid A's eyes; a square piece of a green plate, YaYa's edible nose; one of those dented glass marbles that you might find in a fish tank. The smell of Chinua's neck; a small, perfect ruby. These form the most beautiful landscape, right in the center of me.)
But you, Solo. I don't have much to say. You turned a month old a couple of days ago, and we celebrated by cuddling and having milk, just like we celebrate every day. This time around, I am amazed mostly by how physical this all is. You are held and burped and nursed and kissed. And the feelings I have for you are linked irrevocably to your smell, your sounds, the way you nuzzle your head back and forth when you are looking for me. I'm so tired, sometimes, in the middle of the night. I mean, really, it's a nice time to sleep. And there you are, grunting and squeaking and wanting milk. Argh. But then I pick you up and your head is by my cheek and your hair is so soft, and I'd say that I would stay up all night with you every night, if I could.
I'd say that, if only your brothers and sister wouldn't insist on waking up at such a horrific hour.
I love you, Solo. We all do.
Mama
(Letters galore around here! But there are milestones happening, just passing us by! MILESTONES! So pardon the letters.)
in Letters, Little Solo
Letters, Little Solo 
Reader Comments (7)
I so know what you mean, about the tiredness in the night. I inwardly groan when Raphi wakes up, wanting so much just to sleep. And then when he's snuggled in with me and my nose is in his hair... such sweetness. I love the photo you posted too, I think because it shows how mamas juggle so much in life but still manage to focus on what is important.
I love you my friends!
Stephanie over at Adventures in Babywearing just had a baby too, and it has been so much fun reading both your entries of new-baby-giddiness. Love it! It's such a glowing, wonderful, blessed, amazing moment in life to be gobbling up those first few months with your children, and you try to stretch and stretch the moment as long as it will last, right? And hopefully it'll just keeping going forever. I think what you have to say about your other children proves it's possible :)
It's a wonderful photo and it looks old fashioned, so that's part of it's appeal. I love Solo's plump little back!
I think you might like the photo because you are both bathed in light. At least that is what I like about it. Your writing is superb, wonderful. You could tone it down a bit, so I won't keep crying! LOL. Blessings to all of you.
beautiful post as always! i love how you're so in love with your kids! and i LOVE the photo too...gorgeous.
Your writing does make me feel like crying too! It's beautiful!
I don't know about you but I like the photo because it looks vintage, like looking through time.
And I love your letters