I pin things here.
I write short things here.
My author page is here.
My photos are here.
I talk about books here.
Sunday
Nov082009
Day Eight: Lessons
November 8, 2009
I planted four of the rose bushes today. They are blooming, to answer my mom's question. They smell lovely, but I still have to get right up to them and stick my nose inside the flower to smell them. Not that I'm complaining.
So here's something strange. I bought Ratrani, which I told you about- the Queen of the Night flowering tree. My house owner and next door neighbor were happy to see this lovely flower, but a little agitated, because they say it brings snakes. So I googled it. On one site I saw mention of it bringing snakes (in India) but they said that the cure is to plant a C Diurnium plant beside it. When I looked into it a little, I found that it is called Dinkiraja in Hindi, meaning King of the Day. So, apparently the king and queen will keep one another in line. I'll be looking into it.
I'm learning to ask for help. IF that's what it is. The kids and Renee and I parked down by the cliffs tonight, and then walked along them, to the fresh lake that is here in this town. We swam for a while, and Solo learned to blow bubbles in the water. (I swear the kid is turning into a fish.) Then we headed back for a bite to eat, and I called my husband.
I called my husband to come and help me reverse the car from the precarious parking space I had found for it. Imagine a very old tiny van, parked facing down hill on a narrow Indian street, just after a T intersection. To get out I needed to put it into reverse with the stick shift, and the clutch is always funny in reverse, while turning into a busy intersection, (ha ha, I can't believe I just called it a busy intersection. Not a busy intersection, but one with people standing around in it, just standing around) while not hitting anyone.
I was dreading it while we were swimming, dreading it while we were walking, dreading it while we were eating. And then the realization came to me: I don't need to spend my life in dread! I can phone a friend! A friend who loves to help a wife in trouble. And he rode the scooter down, in the rain, just to back the van up (it wasn't easy, even for him) and then I hopped in the driver's seat and we headed away. I could have done it, I know I could have. But I'm learning that even if I have the capability to do something, I can still ask for help. And then at the end of the day there isn't even anybody keeping score, ready to say, "You used up your coupons on that one. You should have saved them for when you really needed help, because now you have a flat and no spare."
I'm thankful that the lessons I'm learning are good ones, about love and trust and admitting when you are weak and you need someone to floor the gas and let off the clutch and speed backwards without running anyone over. Because for whatever reason, you just can't do it yourself.
So here's something strange. I bought Ratrani, which I told you about- the Queen of the Night flowering tree. My house owner and next door neighbor were happy to see this lovely flower, but a little agitated, because they say it brings snakes. So I googled it. On one site I saw mention of it bringing snakes (in India) but they said that the cure is to plant a C Diurnium plant beside it. When I looked into it a little, I found that it is called Dinkiraja in Hindi, meaning King of the Day. So, apparently the king and queen will keep one another in line. I'll be looking into it.
I'm learning to ask for help. IF that's what it is. The kids and Renee and I parked down by the cliffs tonight, and then walked along them, to the fresh lake that is here in this town. We swam for a while, and Solo learned to blow bubbles in the water. (I swear the kid is turning into a fish.) Then we headed back for a bite to eat, and I called my husband.
I called my husband to come and help me reverse the car from the precarious parking space I had found for it. Imagine a very old tiny van, parked facing down hill on a narrow Indian street, just after a T intersection. To get out I needed to put it into reverse with the stick shift, and the clutch is always funny in reverse, while turning into a busy intersection, (ha ha, I can't believe I just called it a busy intersection. Not a busy intersection, but one with people standing around in it, just standing around) while not hitting anyone.
I was dreading it while we were swimming, dreading it while we were walking, dreading it while we were eating. And then the realization came to me: I don't need to spend my life in dread! I can phone a friend! A friend who loves to help a wife in trouble. And he rode the scooter down, in the rain, just to back the van up (it wasn't easy, even for him) and then I hopped in the driver's seat and we headed away. I could have done it, I know I could have. But I'm learning that even if I have the capability to do something, I can still ask for help. And then at the end of the day there isn't even anybody keeping score, ready to say, "You used up your coupons on that one. You should have saved them for when you really needed help, because now you have a flat and no spare."
I'm thankful that the lessons I'm learning are good ones, about love and trust and admitting when you are weak and you need someone to floor the gas and let off the clutch and speed backwards without running anyone over. Because for whatever reason, you just can't do it yourself.
Reader Comments (7)
I don't recall how I found you, but I am glad that I did. I look forward to each snippet shared here, the depth brought to the little moments that make up life. I always end a read with heightened senses, absorbing more, with a desire to move less swiftly, and an added appreciation for the beauty that resides in difficult everyday moments of parenting, partnering, and living soulfully. Thank you.
I hear you. The moment you realize it's OK to ask for help and admit your limits it's a big moment. A humble person is a great person.
So beautiful. How do you do it day after day?
Wow...so interesting to hear the Rat ki Rani story...I guess every queen needs a king sometimes to help keep the snakes away in life. Love ya!
Such a weird story about the King of the Day and Queen of the Night.... glad that everything worked out okay with you and the parking place of horrors. I dislike those type of places, where you can't get your clutch to release properly and you're sliding backwards into somewhere you shouldn't - glad that Chin could rescue you.
I love your writing... Thank you for sharing your life with us.
I think I sum up the van-reversing lesson as "just because I can, doesn't mean I should". I think if there is something that I am at least theoretically capable of doing, it is hard not to make myself do it (to should on myself) ... even when it causes stress or other sorts of 'out-of-balance-ness' . Thank you for sharing your learning and en-couraging all of us who need to be brave enough to ask for help and to let ourselves receive what is there for us.
This reminds me of a Deb Talen song, "Big Strong Girl", that has these lyrics ~
"Don't push so hard against the world. You can't do it all alone, and if you could, would you really want to? Even though you're a big strong girl, come on lay down the best laid plans, come on, lay down your open hand."
One of my "mantras" in the spiritual life comes from St. John Climacus in "The Ladder of Divine Ascent". One of the first few steps is, "Live life with an open hand." Let God take things out and put things in as He sees fit. No fist clenching. I have been stuck on that step for many years, and may never move past it, but it has been very, very fruitful, none-the-less.
What I find amazing, is that we have never met, we live very far apart, have amazingly different lives, and yet, what you write resonates so completely with my own life's experiences. The details are very different, but the underlying principles and emotions are so very much the same.
Blessings!