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Saturday
Feb212009
How a list of blog posts that I could write becomes as informative as a blog post
February 21, 2009
I find myself with no words, after they've finally stopped kicking their little legs and have let go of the day. Other than the occasional sleep twitches, they are still.
I think to myself, "I should write." Then I second-guess myself. "But what would I write?"
I am a woman who should never run out of things to write. I have one million and a half things to write about, all around me. But I don't seem to have a lot of chances to collect my thoughts, lately. I have some half written blog posts in my brain.
*Leafy turned three, I have a sack of love words to throw together in a letter for him.
*A man thought that I was screeching to a halt on my scooter and then reversing just to say hello to him, and was understandably flattered.
*YaYa's art amazes me every. single. day. She draws a new animal everyday, in worlds that are filled with laughing people with crinkled-shut eyes, a mommy elephant and a baby elephant on top of ground that has a mommy worm and a baby worm in it, but then no! The mommy worm has turned into a mommy elephant-worm and the baby worm has turned into an elephant baby worm! And here's a giraffe, in the rain, with a person on his back, laughing, and there's a rainbow. And a house with a bird standing on top, singing. And a person singing with a wide pink mouth, notes floating up into the sky.
No one shows her how to draw like this. I could look at her drawings forever. You'd better be glad you don't live next door, or I'd be running over every day with my daughter's INCREDIBLE DRAWINGS! (If Cate read my blog she'd be thinking, But wait, I do live next door... so that's why she's always running over here with her daughter's Incredible Drawings.)
*Speaking of Cate, she is going through a labor of love, designing and overseeing the construction of our rooftop meditation space. She's so amazing at designing and putting together things like this space. I feel lucky that it's on my rooftop.
*Speaking of meditations, I led one last week. It was an imagination meditation based on the story of the woman at Jesus' feet, the one who wept and kissed his feet, and wiped them with her hair. Gosh, it was incredible to really sink into the story. But the memorable part of the day was the attempt to sabotage which is a longtime bad habit of mine. Just get me leading something or speaking somewhere, or I don't know- taking a day off, and I'll sabotage it as quick as you can say I'm about to eat a purple cabbage raw.
(Here's a hint. I do it because I'm afraid of failing.)
This particular sabotage was the always-effective fight with Chinua. It doesn't matter what you fight about, any argument will do. This one was rather ridiculous. Here's a little taste for you, since I'm shameless and it's funny:
R: Weren't you supposed to be helping me have time to prepare for tonight's meditation?
C: I am helping you. I'm watching the baby.
R: That's not helping. I can still hear him.
C: But he's not fussing.
R: But if he does start fussing, I won't be able to concentrate.
C: So you want me to leave the house altogether?
R: Yes.
C: How about this. If he starts fussing, I'll leave the house.
R: But then I'll KNOW that he's fussing, and I'll be thinking about him fussing...
(Pause.)
R: Plus, it's bothering me that you're just sitting there. I can't concentrate.
C: I'm not even talking to you. You're the one talking to me!
***
And there you are.
But the meditation actually went really well. There are reasons why I mostly choose to write, though, and they have something to do with the fact that you can just sit down and go tappity tappity on the keyboard and there isn't a lot of time to sabotage anything. I think.
*I just pulled a really big beetle out of my hair.
*And with that, I'm off to bed, because MY SISTER is arriving tomorrow and I have to get up at 4:00 to go and get her. WHA?
I think to myself, "I should write." Then I second-guess myself. "But what would I write?"
I am a woman who should never run out of things to write. I have one million and a half things to write about, all around me. But I don't seem to have a lot of chances to collect my thoughts, lately. I have some half written blog posts in my brain.
*Leafy turned three, I have a sack of love words to throw together in a letter for him.
*A man thought that I was screeching to a halt on my scooter and then reversing just to say hello to him, and was understandably flattered.
*YaYa's art amazes me every. single. day. She draws a new animal everyday, in worlds that are filled with laughing people with crinkled-shut eyes, a mommy elephant and a baby elephant on top of ground that has a mommy worm and a baby worm in it, but then no! The mommy worm has turned into a mommy elephant-worm and the baby worm has turned into an elephant baby worm! And here's a giraffe, in the rain, with a person on his back, laughing, and there's a rainbow. And a house with a bird standing on top, singing. And a person singing with a wide pink mouth, notes floating up into the sky.
No one shows her how to draw like this. I could look at her drawings forever. You'd better be glad you don't live next door, or I'd be running over every day with my daughter's INCREDIBLE DRAWINGS! (If Cate read my blog she'd be thinking, But wait, I do live next door... so that's why she's always running over here with her daughter's Incredible Drawings.)
*Speaking of Cate, she is going through a labor of love, designing and overseeing the construction of our rooftop meditation space. She's so amazing at designing and putting together things like this space. I feel lucky that it's on my rooftop.
*Speaking of meditations, I led one last week. It was an imagination meditation based on the story of the woman at Jesus' feet, the one who wept and kissed his feet, and wiped them with her hair. Gosh, it was incredible to really sink into the story. But the memorable part of the day was the attempt to sabotage which is a longtime bad habit of mine. Just get me leading something or speaking somewhere, or I don't know- taking a day off, and I'll sabotage it as quick as you can say I'm about to eat a purple cabbage raw.
(Here's a hint. I do it because I'm afraid of failing.)
This particular sabotage was the always-effective fight with Chinua. It doesn't matter what you fight about, any argument will do. This one was rather ridiculous. Here's a little taste for you, since I'm shameless and it's funny:
R: Weren't you supposed to be helping me have time to prepare for tonight's meditation?
C: I am helping you. I'm watching the baby.
R: That's not helping. I can still hear him.
C: But he's not fussing.
R: But if he does start fussing, I won't be able to concentrate.
C: So you want me to leave the house altogether?
R: Yes.
C: How about this. If he starts fussing, I'll leave the house.
R: But then I'll KNOW that he's fussing, and I'll be thinking about him fussing...
(Pause.)
R: Plus, it's bothering me that you're just sitting there. I can't concentrate.
C: I'm not even talking to you. You're the one talking to me!
***
And there you are.
But the meditation actually went really well. There are reasons why I mostly choose to write, though, and they have something to do with the fact that you can just sit down and go tappity tappity on the keyboard and there isn't a lot of time to sabotage anything. I think.
*I just pulled a really big beetle out of my hair.
*And with that, I'm off to bed, because MY SISTER is arriving tomorrow and I have to get up at 4:00 to go and get her. WHA?
Reader Comments (9)
I do my composing/ranting/re-arranging of words in the shower. Oh, I wish the shower could last (responsibly) longer! But then I would miss so much of what I'm wanting time to think about. And nothing would actually get tappitied.
Have a wonderful time with your sister!
Our poor husbands! That's all I can say. The things we can say to them!
I think I need to see those drawings!
Kerri: Yes the shower, or a long drive, or even lounging and nursing the baby are all great blog post places. Sometimes I start multitasking so hard that I'm showering and teaching, driving and telling stories, and nursing and cooking and then whoops! Or, like you said, I write the posts and never tappity tappity. Sigh. :)
#1mama: Yeah, like 'leave the house so I can work!'
flutter: Coming right up!
Listening...
But why did you screech the scooter to a halt and then reverse?
He was this young French traveler and I thought he was asking for a lift. He had his hand out, like he was hitchhiking, and I didn't even think about it, I just stopped and went back. Maybe he needed a lift into town or something?
But then we had a total Lost in Translation moment where everything I asked he answered as though I was asking a different question I.E. "Do you need a lift?" "I live there now, not over there." "Oh, but do you need a ride?" "I'll be here until May."
It only got awkward when I could see that he thought I had stopped for the express purpose of meeting him, and he then invited me over for tea. I've seen him since then with kids in tow... so it's probably all good.
i couldn't help but giigle at the end of the blog because i get up at 4 am to meditate daily, and i seem to feel sleep deprived only for a short time, but my body and mind adjusted and looks forward to this time now, it actually helps balance the engergies and focus on love of god, for the whole day ahead -which as moms seems to be an endless cycle of serving others!-( a little me time before kids arise really helps!
yay your sister is coming that's great! i'm so happy for you to be meditating, and having your sis around! it sounds so interesting there!
Jai Rae!
haha! I have a whole bunch of posts where all I have is the subject (like, "i should write about this") and nothing more.. I can totally relate. Enjoy having your sister with you. What a blessing...