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Thursday
May212009
Thanks so much
May 21, 2009
Sometimes the question goes through my head, is it okay to just keep writing about me? The spats of depression, the wonder, the wacky thoughts. And it seems that you answered the question with a resounding yes, so I'll keep on.
It is so helpful to know what you like. This blog is for me in a way, but also for you, and I like hearing that you want to hear more about the kids, or that you like the photos, because then I don't feel like I am gratuitously shoveling my motherhood down your skinny throats.
Many of you wrote that you resound with the bits where I'm crying into my sleeves on the floor. I'm glad for this because it is another indication that I am not alone, that you are not alone. And that we will get through.
(When Chinua and I arrived here it was pouring rain and freezing and we had a terrible little guest house room with mint green walls. I could barely see my way out of it, especially after we househunted up and down the hills in the rain for several days, finding nothing. "Over there, let's check that house out!" we'd say and then twenty minutes later we'd arrive, only to find... nothing. We kept looking at each other and saying, "We survived Calangute. We can survive this."
Oh Calangute, Goa, mother of my breakdown, tiny guesthouse on a crowded loud street, lost, monsoon rain and mold and ants everywhere, falling into puddles the size of a house, alone, hot, pregnant, displaced. We survived. We will get through.)
Also, spirituality. Faith, love of God, love of man. Oceans of grace. I'd like to write more and more on this. I think what stops me is the knowledge that it has been written about, by better people than me, but I guess that no one who is precisely Rae in India with four young children, meditating in community, has written about it.
Food. I'd like to write more about food. This year has saved my mind as far as food is concerned. I was practically crippled, in America. What it took was some time in the kitchen with an Indian woman and some serious scaling back, as far as choices go. I need to write more about it, because I think it could help many people.
Day to day life is a big one. Writing it all down.
And now I will answer one of my own questions, just to be fair.
1. Why do you come here?
I come here because writing is the way that I think about things, and because it helps me participate in my life by being an author. Every time I step away from posting, I am a little more healed. I continue because I love to look back and remember things that I would have forgotten, if I hadn't written them down, and I continue because of the amazing community that is here, cheering me on.
It is so helpful to know what you like. This blog is for me in a way, but also for you, and I like hearing that you want to hear more about the kids, or that you like the photos, because then I don't feel like I am gratuitously shoveling my motherhood down your skinny throats.
Many of you wrote that you resound with the bits where I'm crying into my sleeves on the floor. I'm glad for this because it is another indication that I am not alone, that you are not alone. And that we will get through.
(When Chinua and I arrived here it was pouring rain and freezing and we had a terrible little guest house room with mint green walls. I could barely see my way out of it, especially after we househunted up and down the hills in the rain for several days, finding nothing. "Over there, let's check that house out!" we'd say and then twenty minutes later we'd arrive, only to find... nothing. We kept looking at each other and saying, "We survived Calangute. We can survive this."
Oh Calangute, Goa, mother of my breakdown, tiny guesthouse on a crowded loud street, lost, monsoon rain and mold and ants everywhere, falling into puddles the size of a house, alone, hot, pregnant, displaced. We survived. We will get through.)
Also, spirituality. Faith, love of God, love of man. Oceans of grace. I'd like to write more and more on this. I think what stops me is the knowledge that it has been written about, by better people than me, but I guess that no one who is precisely Rae in India with four young children, meditating in community, has written about it.
Food. I'd like to write more about food. This year has saved my mind as far as food is concerned. I was practically crippled, in America. What it took was some time in the kitchen with an Indian woman and some serious scaling back, as far as choices go. I need to write more about it, because I think it could help many people.
Day to day life is a big one. Writing it all down.
And now I will answer one of my own questions, just to be fair.
1. Why do you come here?
I come here because writing is the way that I think about things, and because it helps me participate in my life by being an author. Every time I step away from posting, I am a little more healed. I continue because I love to look back and remember things that I would have forgotten, if I hadn't written them down, and I continue because of the amazing community that is here, cheering me on.
in Writing
Writing 
Reader Comments (17)
Oh my gosh...I'm typing really quickly because I think I may be able to get into your first commentbox on this post!!!
I just want to say that I love feeling like I'm in your community, albeit virtual.
Journey on Rae!!!
I didn't have time to post my answers to your questions last night and you've already moved on, so I'll just insert them here because I really did want to answer!
I love your blog! I love you! I don't even know you, but you are so bravely living a life I wish I could live.
I love India and I love that you connect me to India (I just finished catching up on all the Fly Fishes Fly posts and loved your snapshots into daily life)
I love your writing style. It is beautiful and calming and fun to read.
I love that you are real and imperfect and not afraid to share it. It keeps the rest of us from feeling alone in our own muck.
And I love to see pictures of your BEAUTIFUL family!
Please keep on keeping on!
Blessings,
Sandwich, whose own blog is fairly boring right now....
uh hem, spectacular writing for one. he he! I am missing you Rae Rae
I didn't get a chance to post to answer your question of why so I'll do it here,ok?
You are real and funny and beautiful inside and out. I don't need to know you in the flesh to know this. I'm an older mama who dreams of no regrets when I'm 80.
You my sweet girl will have no regrets it seems to me. You live life to the fullest,warts and all. It's refreshing, and selfishly I need to read about it and soak it in.
namaste
kim
I come here b/c you struggle just as we all struggle. I love reading about how you travel and am amazed at what your children are learning along the way. I am always fascinated by people who walk their talk.
I like reading about your spiritual community. The trials and tribulations of being a mother. Oh and please write about the food. The food! the food! the food!
Hey!
I do love your writing....it is a marvelous way to almost cleanse your spirit, isn't it? I find that when I journal and that I do need to journal every day. It is my way to heal, to pray and even to vent. So keep on writing!
I come here firstly because you're a friend and I like to see what you and your lovely family are up to - what adventure you have recently had, how you're doing, etc. Plus the adventures are fun to read about and I love hearing about far off places. Secondly, I love to travel so I find your travels interesting and exciting. I'm going to Thailand this summer and I can't wait, so I guess I live vicariously through you. :) Thirdly, I like to read about your parenting because I'm a mom too and I can relate! It's nice to know that other women share the same challenges, struggles, etc. Lastly, I like to read about your spiritual take on things. I find it encouraging and refreshing. That's all for now, my three year old is wanting 100% of my attention.
Write about food! I'm currently trying to scale back. So write about what you learned, cooking for your family.
Joining the bandwagon of a day late and only really needing to say "ditto", but...
Your honest and witty and beautiful writing - and the things you care most about (God, husband, children) - have made me feel that we are friends that haven't met. I mean, two years or so I've known you! Your children, even as they are getting bigger, seem so familiar. Won't they come over to play next week? (Haha.) In fact, it's only when the pictures that YOU are in are posted that I remember we haven't met. (OK, I always know that but it doesn't seem important somehow...)
If I had any requests it would be hearing more about the kiddos' schooling, or even just more anecdotes about how the days flow, as I have begun the homeschool adventure this past year with my three littles (will be 4 this winter but you're the first one I'm "telling").
P.S. I blog for the some of the same reasons. I like that idea, being "an author of my life"
Just read your twitter regarding going to Thailand in August.
Oh my, you do spoil me!
When you do end up Down Under I'll meet you at the airport with a huge sign saying "Welcome Journey Mama." All right?
i didn't chime in on the last post, but will now. i love seeing your photos. the more the better. and i also like hearing about how you are dealing with life in india. that is, life in india with four small children! i love hearing the details: going to the market, mad driving, falling down in puddles, visiting playgrounds, etc. i love to hear about the animals, the foliage, the crazy things, the things that make you sane. i guess having been there myself, i am biased in wanting to hear about the place. but not just the place, how you are surviving, adapting, loving and hating it! i come here for that, to see what sort of adventure you and your family are having today. and by adventure i mean even the most mundane things, because i found that even the most mundane in india, was an adventure. thanks for sharing!
I've been having questions about my own motivations behind blogging and what my focus needs to be, and it's good to read about your journey with this. It helps to develop a framework to think about it.
I'm glad that you're keeping on keeping on.
"Also, spirituality. Faith, love of God, love of man. Oceans of grace. I’d like to write more and more on this. I think what stops me is the knowledge that it has been written about, by better people than me, but I guess that no one who is precisely Rae in India with four young children, meditating in community, has written about it."
This is the stuff I love and get so much out of. Don't worry, you're not being cliche. The only thing that's cliche is worrying about it being cliche. I am so inspired by your practical, spiritual insights, like the post not too long ago about seeking attention.
I also love the letters you write to your kids. Maybe you can pop more of those out. the letters, I mean.
Ha ha. (Letter coming tomorrow, but no more popping out of kids.)
Thanks, Shlomy, I've been thinking a lot about writing more on faith.
I, too, didn't get to weigh in with the last post, but absolutely - I love all of it, I love reading about the kids and seeing their photos and all about your life in India - and I love when you write about faith. I can't get enough of true, authentic faith writing. You have a spectacularly unique viewpoint, seriously - at least to me - and I love hearing it.